Conversation Success Blog » Improve Conversation Skills

The Shocking Truth Why People Fight at Christmas

Austin — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 10:35:27 +0000

10 days ago I was left speechless.

Sam & I were visiting as he rang up my purchases at local store. The conversation turned to family gatherings. (I routinely use the techniques in the Conversation Success System to visit with clerks.)

Sam said, “We have gone to my wife’s family gathering twice. The first time we were there 10 minutes before a fight broke out. The second time 15 minutes. Then we left.”

Somewhat humorous, but heartbreaking.

Are your family gatherings filled with bickering, fighting, & conflict?

Here are 4 reasons why for some it is a fighting Christmas and not a merry Christmas.

#1: Holding on to grudges

People hurt each-other. Our words, our actions can leave deep wounds. You and I have been hurt by others and also caused hurt to the people around us.

These wounds often get reopened and cause World War III.

Let me illustrate.

Imagine someone took a hot potato and tossed it to you. It hits you in the hands. Immediately pain shoots though your hands and arms.

You have a choice. You can drop it and move on, or you can hold onto the hot potato. Drop it and you’ll have just a minor flash of pain. Hold on to it and you will burn your hands and cause longterm tenderness.

Many people are holding on to hurts (hot potatoes) from years past. They are quite sensitive. Say the wrong thing and their tender hands react in pain.

This is the cause of most blow ups. People refuse to forgive the past and let it go. They are in bondage.

If you find yourself locked in the prison of bitterness and holding grudges, check out this article and this one.

#2: Pushing each others hot buttons

My friend’s hot button is the Dallas Cowboys. Make a negative comment about them and he will flip out. We all have hot buttons. Keep the peace by seeking to avoid punching other people’s hot buttons.

#3: Raised voices

Ever see this happened? A person makes a statement. The second person raises their voice and makes another statement. The first person raises there voice too and world war III soon happens.

Follow the advice of King Solomon:

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Keep your voice calm and don’t escalate the situation.

#4: Too much alcohol

A couple of glasses of alcohol can have a profound impact on most people. Some get happy, others belligerent, and can lead to problems. Keep the drinking under control.

Your Christmas does not have to be filled with fighting. Have a Merry Christmas and use your excellent conversation skills learned from the Conversation Success System.

Horror at the Gas Station and Conversation Skills

Austin — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 02:11:56 +0000

A few weeks ago I was standing in line at the gas station with a hot drink.

In the door walks a bald headed man who seemed to be a few fries short of a Happy Meal. He cut in line and wanted to be taken care of first.

The pretty clerk objected. He then commits a crime. A crime that may not get prosecuted, but will impact one person for the rest of their life.

He loudly said to the clerk, “You have a fat ***. If you were not so fat, you would be able to help people faster.“

Her face dropped as she immediately received emotional scar that will stay with her.

You and I have probably not done something that outrageous.

However, do you make fun of people? Do you say mean words to your spouse, kids, or coworkers? Do you put others down?

Our words can instantly deflate a person and suck the emotional energy out of them. We’ve been the receiver and the giver.

Psychologists say it takes 5 positive compliments to make up for one negative compliment.

Consider most people rarely hear a positive statement, it could take awhile before they recover.

Extremely hurtful words that were slung around at the gas station. It will take time and an apology to heal.

Here’s the lesson. Don’t put people down. Apologize when you do. Look for ways to pick people up.

Back to the gas station…

Customers came to the ladies defense and the police were also called. Not sure if the guy was arrested, but his words will sting forever to this one girl.

Learn more by getting How to Charm a Woman

Brighten the Day of Others with Good Conversation Skills

Austin — Sat, 23 Jul 2011 13:27:24 +0000

Good Saturday Morning,

My young daughter is chowing down on a banana. When she finishes, she’ll be ready for some attention. I’ll make this quick.

A week ago my wife, daughter and I headed into the local grocery store. Checking us out was a blond, medium height, young lady.

She looked sad. Her normally pretty face showed she had been through a rough day.

Checkout clerks have a challenging task. For 8+ hours they stand there, doing the same tasks, trying to be cheerful, and make others happy.

Evidently this clerk’s tank of gas had run out.

My wife and I immediately engaged her in conversation and laughed and joked with her using techniques from the 4 Conversation Tips of the Rich and Famous.

By the time we were done she was cheerful and we felt good because we had brightened her day.

Do you brighten the day of people around you? Or are you like a dark cloud that people see coming and seek to hide from.

Spread the joy through good conversation skills.

My daughter is calling,

Austin Barnes

PS. There are still open spots at a introductory price the Conversation Success Training.