Conversation Success Blog

10 days ago I was left speechless.

Sam & I were visiting as he rang up my purchases at local store. The conversation turned to family gatherings. (I routinely use the techniques in the Conversation Success System to visit with clerks.)

Sam said, “We have gone to my wife’s family gathering twice. The first time we were there 10 minutes before a fight broke out. The second time 15 minutes. Then we left.”

Somewhat humorous, but heartbreaking.

Are your family gatherings filled with bickering, fighting, & conflict?

Here are 4 reasons why for some it is a fighting Christmas and not a merry Christmas.

#1: Holding on to grudges

People hurt each-other. Our words, our actions can leave deep wounds. You and I have been hurt by others and also caused hurt to the people around us.

These wounds often get reopened and cause World War III.

Let me illustrate.

Imagine someone took a hot potato and tossed it to you. It hits you in the hands. Immediately pain shoots though your hands and arms.

You have a choice. You can drop it and move on, or you can hold onto the hot potato. Drop it and you’ll have just a minor flash of pain. Hold on to it and you will burn your hands and cause longterm tenderness.

Many people are holding on to hurts (hot potatoes) from years past. They are quite sensitive. Say the wrong thing and their tender hands react in pain.

This is the cause of most blow ups. People refuse to forgive the past and let it go. They are in bondage.

If you find yourself locked in the prison of bitterness and holding grudges, check out this article and this one.

#2: Pushing each others hot buttons

My friend’s hot button is the Dallas Cowboys. Make a negative comment about them and he will flip out. We all have hot buttons. Keep the peace by seeking to avoid punching other people’s hot buttons.

#3: Raised voices

Ever see this happened? A person makes a statement. The second person raises their voice and makes another statement. The first person raises there voice too and world war III soon happens.

Follow the advice of King Solomon:

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Keep your voice calm and don’t escalate the situation.

#4: Too much alcohol

A couple of glasses of alcohol can have a profound impact on most people. Some get happy, others belligerent, and can lead to problems. Keep the drinking under control.

Your Christmas does not have to be filled with fighting. Have a Merry Christmas and use your excellent conversation skills learned from the Conversation Success System.

Remember the cliques in high school?

That group of exclusive cool people. Some were on the inside, others on the outside. I was usually on the outside.

Even if you were not in the cool group, you still had your own clique. Some called us outcasts. Those outside the cool clique had one question:

How do I become part of the cool cliques?

I thought once I got to college there would be no more cliques. I was as wrong as the guy who said, “No one will want to buy a laptop.”

Cliques are everywhere. School, church, work, professional life, community, and more.

Here are four tips for joining virtually any clique and become part of the “in” crowd.

1. Be cool and not irritating

Not as hard as some people think. Improve your likeability, conversation skills, and stop a few irritating habits. Only 30 minutes with the right techniques can do wonders. The secrets are in the Conversation Success System.

2. Build relationships with individuals who are in the click

This is very powerful method. As you seek to use techniques from the Conversation Success System you will build those relationships. You will soon be part of the clique.

3. Add value

Recently, I visited a chess club. These 5 strangers were part of the chess clique. After 10 chess moves I was accepted and part of the group? Why. I showed I am a very good chess player. I bring value to their group.

4. Be Patient

You usually can’t break into cliques overnight. It may take weeks or months. However, apply the above strategies and you’ll be able to break into virtually any clique.

One simple conversation technique will guarantee you have plenty of conversation topics in any conversation.

Thursday night was the highlight of our week. My wife and I hung out with another married couple. We are great friends and always have a blast.

Over chips & chocolate, we laughed, discussed, and deepened our friendship. There was never a dull moment. Partly because they have great conversation skills and partly because of the powerful conversation technique.

On the way to their house, my wife and I thought of 5 experiences we could share from our life and then about 5 questions to ask them. We were prepared. Whenever the conversation started to wain, we asked the question or brought up our experience.

It worked beautifully.

The conversation flowed smoothly and we strengthened our relationships.

I use this technique all the time. Worked great on dates when I was single. Makes me look and sound professional during business appointments.

Don’t go into conversation unprepared. Think up several questions and conversation topics. You can use the FORTH technique from the Conversation Success System.

Have a Great Weekend,

Austin Barnes